I didn’t expect to be stretched so much.
When I chose to become a parent I had no idea how my
children would stretch me, how strongly they would impact my life. When Ian was just over four months old my
friend Debbie asked me, “aren’t you afraid to lose your identity?” Allan and I were living in Maine at the time
and our friends Debbie and Bob were visiting.
Debbie and I had just returned from cross country skiing. In the warmth of the wood stove our faces
took on a healthy glow as we shared the ups and downs of our lives. Her question gave me pause for thought. Well, what is my identity? Is my identity something that was established
before parenthood and that is now hampered by this new little person in my life? Will I
view this child as an obstruction to who I am or who I can be? Or will I embrace this new person in my life and
let him shape me as much as I try to shape him?
But I didn’t expect to be stretched so much.
When Jessi was in my womb I didn’t really expect to have a
girl. Historically the Johnson family
didn’t have girls – at least not in the biological sense. I prayed for this child. I prayed for the things many moms pray
for. I prayed that my child be healthy
and able. I prayed that my child would
grow to love and to serve others. I
prayed that my child would be kind and compassionate. I also prayed that if my child was a girl
that she would be strong and would be able to stand her ground.
I guess I didn’t really know what I was asking for.
Jessi is healthy and able.
She is kind and compassionate, she has a special kind of love for the
downtrodden and she desires to serve people who have less then herself. And she is strong. She is one of the strongest people I know. These traits of love for people in need,
compassion, a desire to serve, inner strength, bring us to where we are today.
I didn’t expect to be stretched so much.
After Jessi received news of the Remember Nhu vision trip
she called me. “Mom,” she said, “I heard
from Carl Ralston of Remember Nhu. He’s
planning a trip for potential workers, will you go with me? I need your input, your wisdom. I need help with this decision.”
HUH? Me? I’m not the one who goes. I’m the one who stays home and helps to raise
money for these trips. I pray. I support.
I encourage… I don’t go.
But, my kids have always forced me to grow, to look at the
world and it’s peoples through a different lens, to stretch beyond my comfort
zone. So I said yes.
It’s been 26 years since I had that first conversation with
my friend Debbie. Have my children
caused me to “lose my identity?”
Maybe.
If my identity is to be someone who lets others do the hard
work that is needed in this world then, yes, I have lost my identity. On the other hand, I choose to understand
that my children have brought me to find my identity. My story is about a desire to affect change
in this world, one child at a time. I
chose to do that when long ago I became a teacher, and I choose to do that now
as I plan and fundraise for our trip to Thailand to work with the Remember Nhu
Foundation. I choose to follow my own child
into a very dark aspect of our world. I
choose to try to match her strength and her conviction. I choose to lose my identity to a greater
good.
I choose to be stretched.
Isaiah was a Hebrew prophet who lived around 8 BC. I have come to embrace his words.
“And
I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?”
Then I said,
“Here I am! Send me.”
Isaiah
6:8
No comments:
Post a Comment